对你的喜欢渐渐的变成了爱 . . .
在我心里, 再也无法容纳你和别的人在一起了 . . .
所以我选择离开. . .
现在我后悔了 . . .
但也已经没有的挽回了吧?
Once again, I have the strongest urge to move out and depend on noone but myself.
It all started with my UniSim enrolment.
I mean, now that I have a kinda stable job, it is definitely time to fulfil my wish to further study. To everyone else, it is a good thing. But for my family, it seems like it is MY wrong choice.
That's where the problem lies.
I am not asking for financial support from my family. But when I broke the news to my mum, she looked dismayed. Probably worried about me -- Yes. But if I don't do it now, then when?
I want to climb up the corporate ladder. If not in my current company, then another with a better prospect. I want to earn MORE money. MORE MORE MORE. I want to satisfy my material wants with my own effort.
And even when my family complains that the money I gave was too little, I did not say anything. I am not earning millions, neither do I have a rich boy to support me. On top of that I have to save up a fair bit for my studies, which left me with little to spend.
So, it doesn't sound right when my mum lashes out at me at a discussion for any possibility to share a vehicle in future for easy-travel purpose. IT IS AN OPEN DISCUSSION FOR GOD SAKE! And of course, as a typical mother, she continues on and on about how hard her life is, and how I am spending money on entertainment instead of saving more money. Oh yea. Did I mentioned that I also have 2 sisters who are still depending on my parents for their further studies? So what about me? I hate being the eldest.
I am frustrated and stressed about money. I hate it because it hurts relationships. I've seen more then enough families go separate ways due to disagreement with that forever-bigger-then-blood vitamin M. Somehow, I feel that I am going through that stage too, because right now at this moment, I feel deep dissatisfaction boiling in me. That feeling is so strong that it brings tears to my eyes. That it makes me want to scream. To run away and disappear.
After such a long post, I am still back to my starting point. With NOTHING at all.
I hate being poor.
The page once written has been read,
The chapter closed and done.
Time now to leave behind regret
And walk towards the sun. . .
That rises to another day
That's brighter than the last.
Leave all bitterness behind --
You have divorced the past.
Be positive about your life,
The changes you've been through.
In turn, you'll come to recognize
You've found a stronger you.
Not sure if I've posted this before. But nevertheless, this is really meaningful.
It comes from a card Jolene gave me when I was down.
It starts me thinking about MY new start. . .
I wonder when will I be starting anew ? ?
And anyways, I have enrolled for next intake to UniSim. Hopefully I will get through.
My colleagues are already taking their part time degree, and they totally motivated me to get things moving too.
But it kinda stress me to see the amount I have to pay every half year. Will I be able to cope to study and work at the same time?
Grrr . . .
Time to re-arrange my time all over again!
