I've been wanting to blog these few days, but my brain is clogged with too much thoughts, lacked of sleep, and hooked to Grey's Anatomy.
So, I am suddenly so overwhelmed with feelings that I decided to type!
Was on the bus home from work earlier tonight. I got on the bus at Terminal 1, got a seat, listening to songs in my 4gig hot pink
ipod nano, and trying to nap.
Somehow or another, I did not manage to shut my brains. Instead, images came flooding my mind. All that has happened to me, to my life, in my life.
The only natural reaction to have, is to open my eyes, look out the window, to find a big round moon shining ever so brightly. At that moment, life feel so small. So short. Too short in fact. And maybe Grey's Anatomy is affecting how I feel, because the whole drama is about saving lives, and people dying either of accidents, illnesses, or for stupid reasons.
I don't want regrets on my death bed.
I don't want to record hate messages and mail them out only when I am dying because I didn't voice out when I was alive and kicking.
I don't want a whole tree sticking into my body, and dying during
surgery without treasuring and appreciating everything I have now.
I don't want to hate myself for not going all out for the things I want to do, but didn't because I don't have the courage.
I don't want to feel inhumane with cold blood running through me like a corpse. Not when I am healthy and still hopping around.
I don't want to stop trying just because I
literally got ditched 3 times in a month.
I don't want to regret, for letting go because I can only be 'just friends'.
So yes, get it right Mr
Rasheed Marican.
I am as stubborn as you can expect me to be.
I am not perfect. Never was.
I am an idiot who can't figure out what's going through your mind most of the time.
I am not the girl who can hush you when you have one of your days, or your fits.
And most of all,
I may not be the kind of girl you ever want to spend your time on, or your life with.
And, I love you. I don't know why, but I do. Seriously.
I love you with all my heart, and I will stay by your side no matter how things are.
I will . . . . If you'll just let me.
Register that in your fucked up mind.
Labels: The first and the worst open love declaration ever
Another wall built.
Another mask drawn.
Life still goes on.
But you never left my mind.
Even for a moment.
My brains are fried from all the things that happened.
And I realised
alot after my outburst last night.
I have to admit that I am very vulnerable inside.
Everything that you can see from the surface, they are fake. Carefully drawn to near perfection. Not that they are perfect thou.
Kian asked me. Why do you want to look for a boyfriend?
I realised
Kian has all my answers.
And I felt really silly.
That is why, when you ever have time to look back, I will not be the same as when you first knew me.
And not to mention that once again, I am feeling that my life is still as fucked up.
With
mundane things in life.
No goals.
Nothing for me to work towards.
And the worst thing is that I know what I want.
I am just so scared to take that first step.
To be back into that cold, cold world we call our working society.
Jo can do all the weirdest things in the world.
I was just praising her as being my sweetest friend.
But the next thing I know, her cousin was there after dinner. He got a cake. And a bouquet of sunflowers too. -.- Or in fact, one sunflower.
I appreciate the effort for celebrating my birthday. Serious. I did not expect any cakes this year. And in fact, Jo has been the sweetest friend. Bringing me along for movies with Chris, bringing me for dinner at Kushinbo, insist on spending my birthday with me, and sponsoring my Angela Zhang's concert.
But next time, please don't set me up again.
Its scary to have someone tell you he's interested in you when your heart is already overfilling with another.
Firstly,
HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO JOEY~!!May everything that you wished for come true! :D
And . . . . . . . .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME~!!!Lol. I juat had to make this bigger then Joey's.
Sorry girl, but I still love ya alright?
Hee. . .
This year's birthday is quiet.
Was planning to just stay home for the whole day. But Jo had to bug me so yea, I'm going dinner with her later in the evening.
But thank you Jo, for not letting me be alone on my birthday.
You are the sweetest friend ever.
And to you. . . Thank you for calling. 
